in prospect
by Epistolize
Summary: "I can't have a selection mom, i'm gay" - me at some point before hosting a selection


**so apparently something glitched so here it is again.**

For a few seconds I just stare at the black suit, which has been left in my room. I know what they mean, and I knew this was coming, but I can't help but feel that putting them on, would be accepting that my older brother, is truly gone.

My fingers feel heavy as I button up the shirt. 8 buttons. I hear footsteps in the hallway, and suddenly remember that I need to be downstairs at 9:00. The clock on the wall reads 9:01. Quickly i strip the rest of my clothing. And put on the black ones. 9:02.

I glace in the mirror and run my hand through my hair. Before stepping out into the hallway.

Then I make my way down to the smaller to meet with my parents.

At 9:03 I enter the dining room. Both my Mother and Father are already there sitting at the table with half empty cups of a thick yet clear deep red liquid, yet Tomas seems to be running late. For a second I also expect to see Marcel sitting at the table beside them, with his wife.

Both my Mother and Father are watching me silently, as i pull back my chair in order to sit down in. the sound of the chair seems incredibly loud in the stiff silence of the room. I wonder if I'm supposed to say something.

The silence is broken once by the sound of the door opening once again, and Tomas enters, in an outfit almost identical to mine. We stare each other down, and once again I'm met with the feeling I'm looking at my reflection. He blinks first.

My father clears his throat.

"Sorry I'm late" says Tomas.

"It's alright" my mother assures him. She always had a soft spot for her youngest son.

He sits down in the chair next on my left. Across from me Marcel's and his wife's seats remain empty.

"As you two know" starts my father. "The funeral is today at 10:30" his voice sounds a bit thick, and if I didn't know him better, I'd think he was getting emotional.

Next me, Tomas is shifting in his chair.

"We decided to keep it as personal as we could" he continues.

I already know that 'as personal as possible' does not mean personal. Almost, but not quite. I've already made that mistake once.

We nod, as if we haven't heard this yet. He repeats more of what we already knew, and at 9:22 he and my mother get up to leave. Claiming they have something urgent. Maybe they do.

As soon as they leave, Tomas turns to me.

"My suit is better" he announces, and i snort. We are wearing the same exact suit.

"You wish" I mutter back.

"What are you-" I start as He reaches across the table for our parents glasses. He compares the glasses, before handing me the one with less.

I watch as he cautiously smells, then sips the syrupy liquid, wincing at the taste.

"Someone's been drinking" he says, before downing the entire glass.

I eye my glass suspiciously.

"Creme yvette" Tomas tells me, as if it's an explanation

I raise an eyebrow. Before lifting the glass to smell it. The liquor smells sweet, and like perfume.

What the hell I figure, and take a sip.

The taste of overly sweet raspberries hits my tongue, and I almost choke on it.

Tomas in the meantime places my glass on the table watches me struggle to swallow the liquid.

"It remind me of the time Lyanna tried to make that pavlov-" I start, trailing off. As once again, I remember that Marcel and Lyanna are gone.

Marcel's wife, Lyanna had loved baking. She used to gather recipes in a large binder, and whenever she could she would attempt one. Some turned out better than others, to say the least.

I glance at the glass on the table, and suddenly feel guilty. Tomas on the other hand has no such qualms, and proceeds to take my abandoned glass, and down it as well.

So much for staying sober.

I glance at my watch, 9:50.

"We should probably get moving towards the gate" I tell him.

He nods, and stands up using the table to support him. As soon as he lets go, he stumbles. I grab his shoulder to stabilize him.

Shit.

"Can you manage?" I ask him. He doesn't really have any other option. Someone knocks on the door. Probably someone my mom sent to remind us. To be at the gate in 10 min. I glance at Tomas, and make the decision.

"You can come in" I tell the person behind the door. The door creaks open, and I'm surprised to see my mother. Usually she sends someone else to get us.

I notice her eyes scan the room, noting the empty glasses and Tomas leaning on the table. The evidence is quite incriminating. She looks at me disapprovingly, as if the fact that I was born five minutes earlier is supposed to make me more responsible.

I suddenly notice the second person behind her, thankfully, it's not my father instead and instead, one of the maids. She looks familiar. But I can't quite place her. I watch her eyes dart around the room, avoiding me and Tomas, and suddenly it clicks.

 _"How are you so sure that you aren't into girls?" asks Tomas. This is the first thing he's said to me since I told him. "Have you ever tried?"_

 _"I just know" I tell him. Just like he knows he is._

 _"But how can you know if you haven't tried" he asks again._

 _"Well" I start "I don't see exactly how I can 'try'" I say. This is the wrong thing to say, and his eyes light up, like they do whenever he has a bad idea._

 _Well, maybe not necessarily a bad idea. But that one was most definitely not a good idea._

 _"Leave that to me" he announces, getting off my bed._

 _Roughly fifteen minutes later he return with one of the maids, I recognize her as one of his latest conquests, Marcel had found them making out in the closet._

 _She's tall, and skinny, but with a full breasts, long dark hair hangs down her back in a thick braid. She isn't ugly. But something about the way she stands, puts me off._

 _She stares back at me, her dark eyes flashing._

 _From besides her, Tomas clears his throat.  
"I guess I'll leave you to it" he announces "if anyone needs me I'll be in the hall." _

_He steps out into the hall and shuts the door. Leaving me and the maid alone in the room. For a moment, I'm confused, and I watch her as she starts to mess around with the closure of her shirt._

 _Then it's off. Exposing her breasts, I guess she wasn't wearing a bra. I try to look away. Suddenly she comes towards me and presses her lips to mine_

 _Alarms go off in my head, and I want to push her away but I'm frozen. She presses into me, and I can feel her breast against my chest. Her hands run down my body, stopping at my pants. She starts fiddling with my belt. I try to stop her, but my hands feel disconnected and slow, it doesn't take her long, and I hear the sound of the belt falling to the floor. The sound of the zipper going down, brings me back to reality. And I push her back, hard. She stumbles back, her head hitting the corner of the shelf. I hear a crash as something falls_

 _The room feels, suffocating, and I need to get out. I open the door. Letting the light flood in from the hallway. Tomas who is as promised, waiting outside, seems to be surprised to see me._

 _"wha-" he starts stepping to intercept me._

 _I push past him, and a look of hurt flashes on his face._

Her hair is shorter now, but other than that. She's pretty much the same. The room suddenly feels suffocating, and I have to force myself to breath.

In and out, in and out. I repeat to myself.

After a few breaths I manage to calm myself. Wiping my hands on my pants I glance quickly at my mother. Did she notice my mini panic attack? But she seems to be busy fussing over Tomas.

I can't help it, and out of the corner of my eye I watch the maid curiously, wondering what happened to her after I left. Did Tomas help her? Did someone else find her? Since I can't exactly ask her. I make a note to ask Tomas at some point.


End file.
